America has an Albatross and it's their Roe vs Wade ruling on, January 22, 1973.  Apparently, the drafted document on SCOTUS remarks on abortion, which was a unanimous decision to be released in June, was leaked by someone in the judicial branch that had access to these private draft documents. Also to note, this is a draft, not a final ruling. Not letting a crises go to waste, (not my saying but very popular here with a certain party), now American's are protesting again. 

I'd just like to say, I'm glad my mom had me.  This is a point that most Pro-choice people miss in their argument.  What is being missed in the news, is that SCOTUS is not saying they are going to over-rule Roe vs. Wade, but they are going to give the states the right to chose rather then letting un-elected officials dictate the law as in SCOTUS.  SCOTUS is appointed not elected.  They are approved by their peers, (i.e. judicial senate committee) but not elected. Even Biden, said back in 1992, that states should have the right to determine these laws.

One final thought.  Whether you are pro-choice or pro-life, it's important to recognize that there are alternatives and that modern times have brought modern alternatives. The US, parents, teachers, churches et al. are failing to teach the general public all of the options of choice under special circumstances. I'm pro-life, an advocate for any human that can't speak for themselves, but I'm also understanding of the dire circumstances, which I can't even type, that may be a personal choice.  There's no judging here.

Totally understand your passion and where you are at with all of the rhetoric coming from the right.  I personally would be really happy if our government was less relative in our lives, period.  I'd like to just live my life, enjoy my family and friends with out the "media noise" daily. I'd like people to be just seen as people with all of their uniqueness and that voting blocks of people are not exploited anymore....just let it go.  They are our human brother's and sisters, friends, and family.

I also agree, that personal choice about our bodies belongs to us, in every circumstance.  It hurts me to see people labeled and lobbied for their differences by any political party.  People are people.  We are all from different parts of the world, different cultures and yes different political, and religious views.  We can get along when we understand each other by respecting each others views.  There is really no right or wrong, it's only what's right for "you". I have a very good friend whom we are on a slightly different plane of views, but we respect each other.  We don't try to persuade one another to jump to our side.  We listen and sometimes tease.  That is what I wish American's can get back too; respecting each other and no judging because someone thinks differently.  It's actually the time to listen more, because you learn so much about the person you are speaking too, and your world will open up a bit more.  I know for me, my world views are generally the same, however, they have evolved much more in the last decade, maybe it's an age thing.  I've become somewhat of a hybrid.

I don't know if this all came out right.  It's written in the spirit of respect.

Exactly, my husband and I talk about that all of the time....be who you are, that's great, no judging because of who you are.  America would be so much more harmonious if an issue wasn't made political by someone's difference, (their designation) but mine would be just their uniqueness.

The part about religion that gets to me is the righteous. Why are they so "right"? Why can't I be "right" in my own faith? I have a lifetime friend that told me (maybe 30 years ago) I wouldn't go to heaven because I wasn't saved.  That's another story, but the point is, those statements create a contentious state in a friendship when they are boldly stated. I've always felt uncomfortable, before I could really identify why at an early age, to "witness" to others about God.  Firstly, I'm not a direct sales kind of person, but secondly, I don't believe in intruding on someone else's faith, agnostic, or atheist position and persuade them to my side.  India has laws against that. Faith is a belief in what we can't see.  Whatever someone chooses, it's their business and doesn't deserve scrutiny, just acceptance.  I do understand your position and most Christians have felt forsaken and forgotten many times, wondering if there is a God at all.  The Christian school that my daughter went to was so heck-bent on bending kids to their faith will, that it's not uncommon for these kids to leave this school becoming agnostic or atheist.  My daughter actually went rouge, left this school and started college at 16.  She has no regrets.

On Misanthrope, I get that too.  I like my dogs better then people most of the time....love time with my family, which I cherish, my friends in my computer are awesome, but the general change in humanity, and basic values is concerning.  Taking care of the earth is important, I'm just not on board with some of the taxation part.  I discussed this in another thread, but it's back to teaching children in school to young adults in college about earth stewardship, from flora to fauna, animals (wild and domestic) to the care of the sea (breaks my heart), to the forests, deserts and arctic/antarctic regions.

All good points, in a summarized fashion that said a lot in a compact way.  Lots to unpack....

I was raised Lutheran.  Also, made to go to church.  Sorry, Mom, I know you are here at FR, and maybe you will login someday and see this, but this is how I felt growing up.  Saturday mornings were our "clean the house day" and Sunday mornings, were "go to church" days.  The older I got, the more I wanted to do my own thing. It wasn't that I didn't have faith, but what I didn't like and I saw through was the potential creepy part of church people. If I skipped church one Sunday, why was that a big deal?  Went through the whole two years of confirmation classes in Junior High.  Was a joke, realized even in my little under-developed brain.  Spiritual lock-ins....for what?  How uncomfortable to spend the night on the floor in the pastors house with a coed group.  The only spiritual experience I had was; "Dear Lord, if you get me out of this sooner, I promise I won't skip church for the next two months".

I can see where the church misled you; particularly the Catholic church.  If there ever was a "How to Parent Manual", I believe when you stated; "No one ever asked what I wanted", was a very key part to your parents understanding you.  Had your parents not said, "We are Catholic, because we are Catholic", but rather said, "We are Catholic because these are the foundations of the Catholic faith we agree with and hope that you will learn and understand", maybe that would have opened the door more?  This also falls into the family political dynamics of, "if born into a family of either a democrat or republican, you will likely vote that way for your lifetime".  To me, this is also an area of parenting that is important, to listen your kids on their religious and political beliefs and not strong-arm them to your way.  When you make kids do it because it's your way, they will likely rebel later.  If you listen to your kids and respect their developing critical and thinking skills, then parents would have a better relationship with their kids, in my humble opinion.

My husband, born and raised Catholic, wanted our daughter raised Catholic.  While I was pregnant, I went through the whole RCIA thing for 9 months of my life to become Catholic.  I didn't really see much difference between being Catholic or Lutheran except Catholics have a lot of incense, kneeling, and fluff, rather then just getting to the point.  Homilies were short compared to all of the singing and kneeling.  I wanted spiritual food, rather then the sacramental experience.  But I digress....Catholic we are, but even in my daughter's Christian school experience, they did not approve of Catholics.  She was one of two Catholics in the school.  They viewed Mormon's as a cult and nearly viewed Catholics that way.  Funny though, if we were all honest with each other, the Church does rather have a cultist dynamic.

For the record, I have some Mormon friends and they are the dearest people.  People that are judgy about other people because of how "society" labels, could very well be missing out on good friendships.  Just saying.....As for our family being Catholic, we are not good Catholics but we are good people. Who created "fellowship"?  Was that for people to really "fellowship" with each other or was that to encourage their weekly tithes?  I'm going to stop before I go on another rabbit trail.  In short, so much to be said for people just being kind to each other, respectful and tuck that mean spirited stuff away because, the more people can just come together in unity because we are all human and going through the same challenges everyday as everyone else, the better.

While I'm on this rant, I'm not in favor of the current Pope, or a Pope in general. As for all the fighting in the world based on religion....yes...so much history of religious violence.  While Christians criticize other religions for their roles in violence "in the name of religion", Christians would do better to "own" some of the most violent religious wars, such as during the Medieval ages.  Just take a look at the Crusades/Templar Knights. 

This is the hypercritical part of Christianity (other organized religions has this issue too), I don't like and this is also a perverse issue among Americans in so many other societal dynamics.  Character and what you do in times when your integrity is tested and has to shine through, even in the most difficult circumstance is where character, and your primal inner soul, is defined to others. This is what I've been saying all along, if you are a nice person, care for animals, the elderly, the infirm, are helpful, polite, then should you be discarded as a sub-human because you are not Christian?  No. This is that righteous thing that I don't think when the bible was written that Jesus meant for us to by judgy.  I know that He said, that we will be judged by how others judge us, and this enough for me to take pause. I'm sorry about your experience with Youtube.  That was ugly and people are so brave at their keyboards.

I have been a defender of people since I was in Junior High, old enough to see through how people can be mistreated because they are different.  There was a girl in school that no one would allow her to sit next too on the bus, in my little head that didn't fully swear yet, I knew that I had to invite her to sit near me.  There's nothing worse then to by publicly shunned and I wasn't going to have it and to this day, I'm still that way.

Understood. It's taken me a long time to get to that point of not caring what people think, when I finally got there, it was liberating, though I alienated some family as I was no longer towing that line for everyone else.  I was finally taking care of me and also lucky enough to be in a wonderful marriage, with support of no nonsense reflection from Mr. B, that I needed at the time to help me to just not care what other people thought anymore.

I'm sure the mentally challenged girl you protected and allowed her to sit with you still remembers you with gratitude and still cares with a thankful heart that you accepted her.  People are pretty ugly in school (even religious schools where you would think a child is safe) and that was really low that bullies did that to your back pack. 

I think there are a large percentage of people that share your same fears of paranoia in crowded environments; your GAD is understandable given what you have been through. I would add that the dynamics of this pandemic has likely deteriorated a person's ability to naturally be in public with substantial reasons for paranoia that may range from the fears you have shared, from leaving the safety of cocooning in one's home, to also fears of violent harm from bad actors just waiting for the right time to cause harm to unsuspecting people going about their day, like what just happened in New York, yesterday.  Another massacre.

Need a spoiler bb code here so don't read this next paragraph if you have OCB's and don't want another.

I get your anxious feeling and a lot of us share that.  I have some OCB's that interfere with me leaving the house that go way back to an experience I had when I worked in the apartment business and forgot to lock the office back door.  After being at home so much since the pandemic started, leaving my dogs to run an errand is another issue, back to making sure everything is secure and locked up.

K, back to a safe paragraph....

A lot of us have had experiences that initialize our anxieties of crowded spaces. When I was 17, I was faced with a gun in my side, two men, intending harm in a mall parking lot about 6pm, dusk on a November night in 1980. For me, all of the shootings, massacres leave me with the "oh, no way am I going to go to a movie theater again," or "no way am I going to go to a concert again" because of that trapped feeling and if you don't feel trapped, it's simply leaving the event and getting out of the parking lot that's total mayhem.  Maybe, I'm just older, but I don't have the patience to stand in line to wait to eat at a restaurant, nor do I have any interest in fighting traffic for an hour after a concert event.  My husband is the same way.  If we do go out to eat, (which it's been since last November), there's always something that takes away the pleasant moment of just getting out.  It's either a crowded dining room or there's some rude driver on the way that sets the tone.

So, we have adapted to a newer lifestyle, much at home, but it's safe.  My daughter and I go out together as now you can understand how I feel about public parking lots.

On your high school friend, she likely really crushed on you because you were one of the few people in her world that didn't judge her. You were just kind.  It's tragic though, that she vanished and you never got to say good bye or know what happened to her.  I also understand going rouge and leaving high school.  I was done by 11th grade too, but my parents were getting really messed up with a divorce.  Then even before the divorce was done, my dad started dating my best friends mother.  Thanks dad.  Parents don't realize what they do can really rock a kids world.  It's not that we are needy as kids and don't expect our parents to have a life, the problem is, as young adults in high school, we are still trying to reach adulthood without getting totally messed up in the head.  Parents would do well, to listen to their kids better and tuck away their personal needs if only for a little bit, especially when their kids world is totally messed up.

I'm sorry you were a target when you were young.  Kids can be so mean and they don't realize how when we are the recipient of their bullying, sometimes those "hurts" last a lifetime and kind of shape us in a way.  I'm sorry too, you weren't free to roam your neighborhood in the most normal way, like riding your bike without fear of those kids showing up. Kids tend to pick on the other kids that are different. I can see why when you were dismissed from the school you were relieved.  Life is too short to be miserable....and you did well in expressing yourself and you actually made a point.  Thank you for sharing.

I don't know if this was your case, but I have a very European appearance, and in growing up in Texas, that just didn't go very well. So, I had to deal with some meanness.  Elementary not so good, Jr. High and High School got better because of the sport I did outside of school, so now I was a cool kid and people were fascinated.  People are shallow, aren't they?

Being robbed, was quite an experience.  After I was robbed and with my co-worker who was also robbed, (we both worked at the mall) they ran off.  We ran back into the mall and got security.  Security called the Dallas Police and we were there for hours.  The police caught one of the guys who decided to go back into the mall and see who else he could rob.  The robbers had thrown our purses in the bushes, which the police found.  Then the police put my coworker and my friend in one of their squad cars and pulled up to anther squad car for us to identify the robber.  It was creepy-scary.  He went to jail.  The other robber that escaped, went on to rob a Burger King the next day.  Now both were in jail, but the police needed sufficient ID.  The police called my HS and the main office had the nerve to announce to my class, that the Dallas Police were on the phone and I was to come to the office immediately.  Yeah, thank you, HS-admin, just put a target on me for ridicule or plain nosy people.  When I went to take the call at the office, the DPD, wanted me to come to their downtown Dallas precinct for an ID line-up.  I had to call my dad and he picked me up and took me to the DPD.  After all of the check in stuff, I was taken to a room with a stage.  In front of the stage was a black screen where I could see the people in the line-up, but they couldn't see me.  I was given a sheet of paper with 6 boxes, each box representing the person on the stage.  I was to X the box if I could ID the guy that robbed me.

Each guy was asked to step forward and say a phrase. I ID'd the guy pretty quickly.  Somehow, you just don't forget.  After that, it wasn't over, because apparently the guy that robbed the Burger King was already a felon.  I was then required to appear before a grand jury hearing in downtown Dallas again.  I had 12 middle-aged men staring at me, in an arched seating configuration, and I got to sit in a booth with a mic.  All of this is still very vivid to this day.  The felon got life in prison. I still know his name too.

So, no, I don't like parking lots.  I don't shop at night, I don't shop alone and I know just about every little trick I need to know if I do park in a parking lot to shop.  I look under my car and in my car before I get near it.  If I see someone sitting in their car, I'll keep a watchful eye.  I park under lights if it's dusk and also where their are camera's that can record my activity.  Paranoid, totally!  Do I let it affect my life, well no, not too much.  I do most of it like any professional...it's a reflexive response, muscle memory and common sense.  Having some pepper spray is good too, if you don't have that you can put each one of your keys between your fingers....I'll stop....this could turn into self-defense 101.

I was 17 working at the mall, when that happened; never forgotten.  I was so freaked out working at the mall department store for a few days with the other guy not captured.  The clothing department I worked in was right next to a major entrance/exit to the mall parking lot.  I had feared he would come in and get me.  But it all worked out and I'm still here....though I do think I have nine lives because I've was a stranded swimmer in South Padra at 16, about a mile from the shore.  ♪♫♪ Cue the Jaws music ♪♫♪  That's another story

It's frustrating when "the law" has cited you for an offense and worse when it's really expensive.  I've had my share of a few speeding tickets, a long time ago.  Those hurt when you don't have much money as it is.  Interesting the court made you tuck in your shirt....I guess the southern ways are still alive and well in places.

Zoldos, you have been through a lot!!

Yes, I had PTSD for a long time, though PTSD, wasn't really a known diagnosis so I was managing it the best I could, though looking back, I can see where everything went wrong in my life with several incidents that happened within that years time.  Funny, how sharing your life stuff, also brings revelations.

I'm sorry that Heather and your mom went through abuse and I totally understand their inner reflexes that come out to protect.  Too many people suffer through both physical and mental abuse and it can be a very long lasting imprint on your soul and hard to move from unless there's the right people in your life to help you get through it....to wit, Heather has you and you fiercely protect her.  I get that.  My husband is the same, and I do know his power as he's an amazing athlete even at his age.  He's Coach Tony here, though he hasn't popped in officially yet.  He's just a little busy in real life.  I'm sure he will pop in at some point.  We have been together 30 years this year.

Empathic and sensitive makes it hard to block out the smallest "noise" in your environment at times.  You likely recall the STNG episode Tin Man.

Parent's without patience and a myriad of other negative ways they respond to their children often have the consequences like your experience.  My dad had zero patience for teaching me math.  At one point, he hired a math tutor in my 9th grade year for algebra.  I still just couldn't get it.  I had/have a great mind for English, writing, etc., but math....nah-huh.  He was always very angry with me and brought me to tears; the bad words too.  So, I have math anxiety for a life time.  My sweet husband, though knowing, math is not my thing, will spend a lot of time with me if I really want to work a real life math problem, though sometimes there's some teasing, but that's okay, it makes it fun that way.

Forgiving is a big deal. I'm sorry your dad just lost his wife, your mom of 65 plus years.  I'm sorry for your loss...I'm sure it's been really difficult on so many levels. Such a long time to be together and I can relate to your sad reflection of events in the past that are painful to recall.  My dad had a heart attack in 2009.  At the time we weren't speaking to each other, so I never got to fix that broken part before he passed.

I'm glad your life is full and you are doing so well with a good support system and surrounded by the people you love.  Makes a big difference when there's balance in all parts of your life.  I realize life is messy and imperfect but if we all can achieve that special part, the embrace of friends and family, it makes life so much more richer so when things go "south" we can handle it all much better.

On PTSD, I suppose some of it creeps out at times, but fortunately, like you, I have family, friends and friends in my computer, that keeps me upright and happy.  Thanks for your reflection on your past, had me reflect too; always helpful and strengthening.

No worries, we all get busy.

I'm very sorry to hear that you lost your mom this year.  It's hard to lose your parents and often there is so much you want to say after the fact or you wish you had personal moments before they became ill, or before they passed.  I'm glad you have found forgiveness in your heart too. The grieving process can take a lot of different paths.  I know you have special family to be close too when you need that extra bit of comfort.

I thought you were likely familiar with Tin Man.

It is a shame that often times some kind of tragedy brings a reality in perspective.  I've seen that many times in my life.  I think the first time where a tragedy brought perspective was when I was young and my Grandfather passed away.  At the time, my dad and his sister had not spoken to each other for years.  It took the loss of family to bring them back together, to talk and reconcile their issues.  I'm sure, you would have rather not have gone through your breakdown to bring to your families attention that you needed some family and care at the time you had a bad experience at church, but I'm glad you finally got a start on some healing during that time.

Going to church is a personal and complex decision, whereas it's best if you go at your own free will. The problem with church is that churches are also a business, and I believe there lies the skepticism of the true intent of the congregation/parishioners.  But I digress, that's another rabbit trail.

I understand the sudden loss and I'm sorry she left the world unexpectedly. It's a helpless moment in your life when you find out a loved one has passed. I know how much it must have meant for you to attend her funeral, but thankfully, technology was there for you to be able connect with family, while also being able to stay with your most important family at home, Heather.

When I lost my dad, (sudden heart attack when he was walking out to check the mail), I was very ill, actually the beginning of a decade of illness in my life.  I wasn't able to attend my dad's funeral and my husband and mom also felt, given the circumstances of my health and the issue with my dad's wife, that it was best I didn't go, even if I could.  My grieving process was a bit different because my dad and I were not on good terms.

I totally get your numb feeling.  People/family, even pets, that are a "constant" in your life, you can't imagine a time that they may not be there.  I'm hoping through time peace will come over you and you will be able to reflect more on the good times, and what made your mom special and your numbness will be replaced with those memories.